Remember Nada Mahovac

Most of you don’t know me but Nada and I have been life long friends. We were born 2 weeks apart and were neighbours and friends until my parents decided to bring me to Canada at the age of two.

She and I remained friends – meeting up virtually every summer vacation and spending those summer months hanging out together in her back yard, eating her mom’s famous apple strudel and even going to school together in Grades 2 and Grade 5 in Croatia. Those memories will stay with me forever.

When Nada told me that she was immigrating to Canada I was the happiest person on earth – I thought this is great – I’ll get to hang out with my best friend all the time. I had it all planned out.

But then something happened. She came here and she and I drifted apart. Life took us into different directions and we never managed to reconnect. I thought about reaching out and calling her but then I thought – I’ll do it tomorrow or maybe next week – one day. Well too bad for both of us – that one day will no longer come. Not here on earth anyway.

We sometimes take life for granted and think we have all the time in the world to resolve issues with friends and family. We rarely think that our lives can be cut short in an instant and that we won’t get the chance anymore to say sorry to our loved ones.

I am grateful that I got to see her one more time but I wish so much that it was under different circumstances and not to say goodbye.

I recently came across this poem and I would like to share it with you all. It reminds me of Nada.

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush –
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night –
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

Even though she is no longer with us physically she lives on in Maja and Luka and in all our hearts for always.

Rest in Peace Nada.
Your friend, Diana.

Dear family and friends,

Ten years ago in March 2001 when I just arrived to Canada and was looking for a job, I showed up at the door of Boris’ and Nadica’s Toronto home but they were away. Few days later, Nadica invited me to visit them. She never met me before, only knew my name and that I worked for the same company in Croatia that Boris worked for. For many of us maybe not, but for Nadica a reason good enough to make a new friend. We talked as if we knew each other for years. As someone has phrased it in a famous movie, that was a beginning of a beautiful friendship. And now, fast forward ten years, I can hardly believe I am standing here and reminiscing about Nadica.

It just feels so wrong to be here today and speak on this occasion. It’s hard to get any sense of this sudden downturn and even harder to answer: why Nadica, why so soon?

She enriched our lives and my family and I will cherish those memories. Nadica was full of enthusiasm, restless, always busy and always onto something. She beamed with joy of life.

We loved how she expressed her creativeness. She enjoyed decorating her home. With a great sense for detail, Nadica made kitchen, living room, children room or backyard appear so personal and special.

She had a great passion for cooking and cooked whenever she could to ensure Boris, and especially Luka and Maja eat healthy home-made food. But Nadica also loved experimenting with new recipes, new ways of preparing traditional dishes and took great pride in that. When I told her not to bother cooking for our next visit as we would drop by only for a coffee and snacks, she responded: How would I not cook when I see how much you enjoy eating my food.

Nadica’s optimism was always there and she passed it on to us around her. We could rarely, if ever, see Nadica not in a good mood. She didn’t give up and kept her spirits high even when difficult times struck. Happy memories could go on and on. Nadica was a happy person and a true caring family friend. Marina and I will forever hold dear memory of Nadica.

May her soul rest in peace.

Ever since this past Monday evening, when I returned home carrying my late wife’s belongings back from the hospice I’ve been thinking about this day and about what I was going to say to all of you, to Nada, to my kids.

At first I thought I would wing it, as I do most of the time when I do public speaking for my business.

But then I thought – this is different. With my business I am comfortable teaching what I know, because I know it. This, here today, I thought, needs to be different. It is different. And I don’t know anything about it.

Almost a week has past and I haven’t written a single line.

And then I realized I don’t need to say to my wife anything more that I haven’t told her a thousand times already.

That I have nothing to say to you that you don’t already know about Nada, about our love, about our life and about our kids.

Even during times when I knew the end was nearing I didn’t feel compelled to speak to my wife, simply because we had 20 years together and all that was worth saying between us was already said:

– would you like to go out with me to see a movie?

– may I hold your hand?

– I love you – may I kiss you?

– Will you marry me?

– Let’s move to Canada!

– We’re pregnant!

– It’s a boy!

– We’re pregnant again!

– It’s a girl!

A few weeks ago I received an email from an online client whom I’ve never met in person, and he said something I feel is worth repeating here and everywhere:

I can’t tell you anything to make the situation better right now except to say that you have been blessed. Not with the tragedy that has befallen you at this present moment, but by virtue of the fact that you and your wife found each other, loved each other, created a family, had children and have gotten to experience a life that many in this world can only dream of.

Sure life will undoubtedly change, as it always does, and the person whom you thought would be beside you always may not be there physically; but you’ll have the lifetime joy from the memories that you created together to help you get through the difficult moments and help bring you forward in life.

I thought that was too good not to include here.

I’d like to end with one of the comments from Nada’s memorial web site. I picked this particular one out because it sounds as if I wrote it myself:

Nada, I cannot believe you are gone. You were always full of so much energy. It broke my heart to see this cruel disease take over your body.

What I will always remember about you is your love and devotion to Boris, when you looked at him your look was full of love and respect for him.

Your children, how can one describe your love, passionate seems too weak a word. In their short lives you have given them so much, you have reared Maja into a carefree confident child, Luka is thoughtful and intelligent.

You did not know you had to teach them skills for a lifetime in such a short time. You have given them a wonderful foundation and I know they will grow into loving caring adults because of you!

Be at peace my friend, all will be well with your precious family!

(That was written by Charmaine who couldn’t be here with us today, so I wanted to make sure her voice was heard.)

However painful this experience has been for me it’s also been filled with wonderful moments of kindness from all kinds of people:
– my clients who brought food to my door
– my networking partners who bought me the most precious commodity – time
– friends who went beyond the call of duty to help my family in time of need
– strangers who offered practical help and words of wisdom and encouragement
– neighbours – old and new – who provided good nutritious food to my family, foot massages to Nada, taking care of the kids and spiritual support.

Thank you all for being there for us, for all your support. I know my kids and I will be OK because you will make sure of that.

For my part, I promise to keep the memory of my dear Nadica alive, to make sure neither I nor my kids ever forget her love and how much she gave to us.

And finally I pledge to do my best to be a mother and a father to my little ones, Maja and Luka.

Thank you Nada for the wonderful and unforgettable 20 years you’ve spent with me.

Remember the inscription on that gold chain around your neck: I’m only yours!

Until I see you again…